Mini Retreat
The purpose of this mini-retreat was to hear from God. For me this usually happens somewhere quiet with no distractions, while I am devoting myself to praying and listening over an extended timeframe. Don’t get me wrong I hear from God regularly, but I was looking for a different conversation today. I liken it to working on a project with a friend where you banter back and forth about what you’re doing vs. sitting down to have a serious heart to heart talk about an important subject.
I try to have these conversations with God once or twice a year, usually it takes a long day but today it was direct and clear. I started out by asking, “God, what am I supposed to be doing; am I following your will or mine?” The answer was easy this time (it hasn’t always been, I’ve been in very wrong places before!) I am exactly where God wants me to be as a result of following a calling he gave me. The rest of the conversation was a bit harder for me, it went something like this:
“Great, so I understand this is where I am supposed to be, but why? It’s not where I expected to be at this point in my life, it doesn’t seem to line up with the formal education that you led me to. Even after I came to the church, this is not the direction I had planned to follow. The last time we talked I thought you said I was going to be all about making a difference in people’s lives, I’m not seeing it! How does leading the connect ministries directly affect people’s lives? I DON’T WANT MY LIFE TO BE ALL ABOUT DOING THINGS WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS! But if that is what you have planned for me I will obey, just please let me know. I want to be who you made me to be.”
Ok, so at this point I’ve shared my frustration honestly (which is sometimes hard to do) and admitted that it’s not all about my will. This actually seems to be a normal format for these meetings. The answer always comes in the form of a question, “take inventory, who have I really made you to be? Is this different than who you are trying to be?” This question forces me to consider my core convictions / values; those items that drive my thinking and are non-negotiable to me. My core values look something like this:
- Diversity is God’s design; he created all people with a purpose and value.
- Work is intended to develop us into who God created us to be, not complete tasks. Work should be good.
- Life is a gift that was meant to be appreciated at home, at play and at work. We are most successful when we appreciate this gift.
- All of these values are to be lived out relationally, with God and with others.
Though this really hasn’t changed at all from last year, I am struck by what’s NOT on the list. Some of the things I thought I would be doing today don’t line up with my core values. I thought I would be doing much more classroom / small group teaching, but if that were my focus these values wouldn’t be fully exercised. This is actually good news! I have just worked through one internal conflict. But still I have the question “OK God, then what is my focus supposed to be on?” I take a bit more inventory: What am I not, what don’t I do and what do I believe. This completes my picture of what it looks like today to be who God made me to be (even though this will only take minutes to read, it took me a couple hours to get through!). Everything points towards my greatest passion, home and family. I am almost at peace with the world again, just one more (seemingly giant) question:
“How am I supposed to use this to lead Your Connection ministries at Grace? I am still not seeing the direct connection, sorry if I’m being dull.”
God is good, the answer was immediate and as clear as day. “The church is the Christian family, home for the body. The connection ministries are all about bringing people into the family and creating an environment that feels like home. You know what home is supposed to feel like and what the family should look like, just do what you love to do; this is why I created you”.
I am humbled. After hearing from God, this seems like a no brainer. Why did I have such a hard time figuring it out? I am also grateful, God is good and merciful. I am once again encouraged and excited about doing what I was created to do.
As my retreat draws to a close, I find myself longing for home; longing to reconnect with my family. It is good basking in God’s creation and refreshing to be quiet, but it is only a retreat. Life is waiting for me at home.
Life is not always easy, but it is good.
